Part 1: Aries. How do you get a man to fall in love with you by knowing only his birthdate?

Fly Me To The Moon: A Woman’s Astrological Ride through the Signs

Part. 1: The Aries Beast

Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to that quirky, kind nerdy guy, to whom none of your friends would give the time of day? It’s all about the planetary forces. Attraction is gravity. The gravity of the planets, the gravity of our lusty bodies attracting one another in ways we cannot explain. The one night stands, the passionate feelings that we can’t resist for long, even though we know it may be wrong. This is astrology at its ruthless best. Astrology can shed some light on the internal drives that we feel which are beyond our control and against our better judgment. They can tell us why having sex “under the stars” has more meaning to it than just romantic fluff. The forces of astrology can have real, practical applications in our lives. They can tell us what will drive a certain guy to fall head over heels for us, based on his sign!

Let us start with Aries, as he is the sign of the newborn infant. Aries has a zest for life that metaphorically resembles an eternal hard-on. Aries will throw himself into a lustful, passionate, completely enthralling sexual world which will blow our minds. For Aries, sex is love. In the sack, Aries’ passion cannot be matched. For him, a roll in the hay with a strange woman equals the triumph over a new land, as he plants his flag victoriously in the pure, untouched sand. Here is another scenario to consider: Imagine a dog that is looking for new territory to mark. He will find a tree that hasn’t been peed on and do his thing. If, thereafter, another dog comes by said tree, he will fight to the death to defend his tree. Aries’ sexuality and drive resembles that of a dog (not to be derogatory, he definitely has his ups:;) )

Now the question is how you get the Aries dog to value your love enough to defend you from other dogs peeing on you. There are two strategies here. The first tactic is only for the good actress without any existing bad-girl reputation. She must portray a peach-colored budding flower which has not been jaded by the world or by men in any way (a tree without pee). If the Aries asks offers you a drink, you refuse politely and humbly say that you don’t drink. However, through your prude act, you must still seem interesting. This first strategy is only for seasoned flirty professionals such as bartenders, waitresses, strippers, or any other job that requires flirting. This is no easy feat, which is why I recommend the second strategy.

Now we come to the Aries drive for defending those who are being picked on by a perpetrator with greater physical vigor. Returning back to the animalistic theme, if an “underdog” is being confronted by a perpetrator, Aries will focus all of his efforts and attention on fighting for his less fight-ready friend. Now lets apply this concept to Aries’ attraction to women. The most apparent female parallel to the “underdog” is the “damsel in distress” (no, I am not implying that women should be compared to dogs in any way, but hear me out for a minute). No other sign wants more to be that Knight-In-Shining-Armor, riding over on his high horse to save you, than the Aries man. Unfortunately this scenario cannot exist In modern-day life, however, there is a clear parallel for us college women to take advantage of.

College women confront many damsel-in-distress situations. The most titillating for the Aries beast is probably seeing a pure-seeming woman getting hit on by a sleazebag at bar. Now, keep in mind that this works best when you have already established some sort of casual acquaintance-level relationship with the guy. However, when dealing with an Aries, there is always a chance he might jump in to intervene with a couple of dueling strangers, especially if there is a high level of unwanted aggressiveness being conveyed by the perpetrator (“other” dog). How do us women achieve this? We could ask our sexy male friend, brother, friends’ boyfriend, whatever, to pose as the perpetrator while our Aries dog is in close vicinity. If we have already had some casual conversation with the beast, chances are more than likely that he will approach the staged crime scene with chest heaving, voice roaring, and spirit erect.

So what I’m saying here is that if we want our hot lusty Aries man, we have to make him fight for us. We can either manipulate him into fighting through our moral façade with the intention of corrupting our innocent little flower bud or we could make the dog defend his little underdog (damsel in distress) who does not have the great fighting abilities that the muscular godly Aries thinks he has. One final piece of advice for catching that hot Aries: one you seal the deal, expect a wham-bam-beautifully-dirty-thank-you-ma’am. In other words, be ready for that roll in the dirt.