Are you living in a dangerous situation? Maybe your boyfriend or husband hits you, controls you, or calls you names. You’re not alone. Many women in this country from all walks of life live in fear. But why? Why do they put up with it?

The reasons victims stay in dangerous situations are as numerous as they are varying. Some stay because, in their minds, the devil they know is better than the devil they don’t know. If they leave their abuser they face the unfamiliar hardship of finding new living arrangements and starting over. For these victims the unknown is much scarier than their current situation. Some woman stay because they think their abuser is just “broken” and they can “fix” them. They truly believe the apologies and promises that someday they will change. Others just have such a low self-worth and they start to believe they really do deserve the abuse.

Women in distressed conditions are beaten down and may suffer from depression. They lack the courage to formulate a plan to leave and are not mentally prepared to handle the resulting separation that could cause their abuser to become angrier or, more importantly, separate their kids from their father.

Relationships are hard enough without all the added drama of physical and mental abuse. It’s so easy to become immersed in the normal give and take of a relationship that it can take time to realize that the only thing you’re taking is cruel and inhuman treatment. An abusive relationship changes who you are inside and effects how you see yourself and your abuser. The person who was once your “knight in shining armor” has changed from hero to villain.

So when is enough really enough? A man that puts his hands on you the very first time will do it again. Never allow anyone to strike you or intimidate you. “I’m sorry” is not enough, no matter how sincere he seems. Show him that you will not be his punching bag! A person that turns to violence when angered is out of control and needs professional help. Remove yourself from the relationship immediately and ask him to seek anger management counseling. Refer him to a counselor, minister, or psychologist. There are many resources today that are affordable and convenient for someone serious about getting treatment. If he refuses the help, get the hell out of Dodge! He’ll never change and you can’t make him. If you see yourself in any of the descriptions listed: know that this is real, you are in danger, and you need to get out. Prince Charming isn’t coming to rescue you, so you have to do it yourself. Your life is in YOUR own hands.

Sandy Wilson is author of the autobiography “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS - A Toast to My Dead Ex-Husband” which gives a revealing look into the tormented existence of an abused, naïve and self-doubting mother of two, imprisoned by her romantic ideal of “keeping the family together.” The book focuses on the irreparable emotional damage caused – to her children and to herself – by her heartbreaking inability to break free from the man who had taken control of her life. Find more information at: www.youdontknowwhatloveis.com